Monday, August 31, 2009

Older Immigrants Now Most Common
Hate Crime Up in Peterboro, UK
Cheney Criticizes CIA Probes

Saturday, August 29, 2009

President Obama's Eulogy for Senator Kennedy
Teddy Kennedy Jr's Moving Tribute to His Father
But today I'm simply compelled to remember Ted Kennedy as my father and my best friend. When I was 12 years old I was diagnosed with bone cancer and a few months after I lost my leg, there was a heavy snowfall over my childhood home outside of Washington D.C. My father went to the garage to get the old Flexible Flyer and asked me if I wanted to go sledding down the steep driveway. And I was trying to get used to my new artificial leg and the hill was covered with ice and snow and it wasn't easy for me to walk. And the hill was very slick and as I struggled to walk, I slipped and I fell on the ice and I started to cry and I said "I can't do this." I said, "I'll never be able to climb that hill." And he lifted me in his strong, gentle arms and said something I'll never forget. He said "I know you'll do it, there is nothing you can't do. We're going to climb that hill together, even if it takes us all day."

Sure enough, he held me around my waist and we slowly made it to the top, and, you know, at age 12 losing a leg pretty much seems like the end of the world, but as I climbed onto his back and we flew down the hill that day I knew he was right. I knew I was going to be OK. You see, my father taught me that even our most profound losses are survivable and it is what we do with that loss, our ability to transform it into a positive event, that is one of my father's greatest lessons. He taught me that nothing is impossible.

As Sen Kennedy Passes, So Does Era of Large Irish Families

Judy Shepard's New Book About Life & The Loss of Her Son

Eco-Terror Crimes Possibly Linked

Killer Gets Life in Horrific Killings That Were Interracial, But Not Hate Crime

Transgendered Victim Killed in Possible DC Hate Crime
Hate Crime "Victim" Recants
Not Gulity Plea Entered in Murder Case of Gay Youth
McDonalds Protest in UT
ID Officials Mull Hate Charges
Military To Ask For More Resources, People in Afghanistan Battle
Chronicler of Civil Rights Flashpoint, Dead at 86

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Sen. Ted Kennedy, Lion of the Senate; Fighter Against Hate Passes at 77 in MA

Center Director Message:
It is with profound sorrow that we mourn the passing of beloved Massachusetts Senator Edward M. Kennedy who passed away today at 77. He has done so much for so many over so many years it is hard to chronicle. A champion for voting and civil rights, he was most recently responsible for originally introducing the Matthew Shepard Act, which he fought for so vigourously. May he and his family be blessed.

"The work goes on, the hope endures... and the dream shall never die." -1980

Boston Globe
Washington Post
Cape Cod Times
His Eulogy for His Brother Robert, 1968, St. Patrick's Cathedral, New York, June 8, 1968

On behalf of Mrs. Robert Kennedy, her children and the parents and sisters of Robert Kennedy, I want to express what we feel to those who mourn with us today in this Cathedral and around the world. We loved him as a brother and father and son. From his parents, and from his older brothers and sisters - Joe, Kathleen and Jack - he received inspiration which he passed on to all of us. He gave us strength in time of trouble, wisdom in time of uncertainty, and sharing in time of happiness. He was always by our side.

Love is not an easy feeling to put into words. Nor is loyalty, or trust or joy. But he was all of these. He loved life completely and lived it intensely.

A few years back, Robert Kennedy wrote some words about his own father and they expressed the way we in his family feel about him. He said of what his father meant to him: "What it really all adds up to is love - not love as it is described with such facility in popular magazines, but the kind of love that is affection and respect, order, encouragement, and support. Our awareness of this was an incalculable source of strength, and because real love is something unselfish and involves sacrifice and giving, we could not help but profit from it.

"Beneath it all, he has tried to engender a social conscience. There were wrongs which needed attention. There were people who were poor and who needed help. And we have a responsibility to them and to this country. Through no virtues and accomplishments of our own, we have been fortunate enough to be born in the United States under the most comfortable conditions. We, therefore, have a responsibility to others who are less well off."

This is what Robert Kennedy was given. What he leaves us is what he said, what he did and what he stood for. A speech he made to the young people of South Africa on their Day of Affirmation in 1966 sums it up the best, and I would read it now:

"There is a discrimination in this world and slavery and slaughter and starvation. Governments repress their people; and millions are trapped in poverty while the nation grows rich; and wealth is lavished on armaments everywhere.

"These are differing evils, but they are common works of man. They reflect the imperfection of human justice, the inadequacy of human compassion, our lack of sensibility toward the sufferings of our fellows.

"But we can perhaps remember - even if only for a tirne - that those who live with us are our brothers; that they share with us the same short moment of life; that they seek - as we do - nothing but the chance to live out their lives in purpose and happiness, winning what satisfaction and fulfillment they can.

"Surely this bond of common faith, this bond of common goal, can begin to teach us something. Surely, we can learn, at least, to look at those around us as fellow men. And surely we can begin to work a little harder to bind up the wounds among us and to become in our own hearts brothers and countrymen once again.

"Our answer is to rely on youth - not a time of life but a state of mind, a temper of the will, a quality of imagination, a predominance of courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over the love of ease. The cruelties and obstacles of this swiftly changing planet will not yield to obsolete dogmas and outworn slogans. They cannot be moved by those who cling to a present that is already dying, who prefer the illusion of security to the excitement and danger that come with even the most peaceful progress. It is a revolutionary world we live in; and this generation at home and around the world, has had thrust upon it a greater burden of responsibility than any generation that has ever lived.

"Some believe there is nothing one man or one woman can do against the enormous array of the world's ills. Yet many of the world's great movements, of thought and action, have flowed from the work of a single man. A young monk began the Protestant reformation, a young general extended an empire from Macedonia to the borders of the earth, and a young woman reclaimed the territory of France. It was a young Italian explorer who discovered the New World, and the thirty-two-year-old Thomas Jefferson who proclaimed that all men are created equal.

"These men moved the world, and so can we all. Few will have the greatness to bend history itself, but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation. It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.

"Few are willing to brave the disapproval of their fellows, the censure of their colleagues, the wrath of their society. Moral courage is a rarer commodity than bravery in battle or great intelligence. Yet it is the one essential, vital quality for those who seek to change a world that yields most painfully to change. And I believe that in this generation those with the courage to enter the moral conflict will find themselves with companions in every corner of the globe.

"For the fortunate among us, there is the temptation to follow the easy and familiar paths of personal ambition and financial success so grandly spread before those who enjoy the privilege of education. But that is not the road history has marked out for us. Like it or not, we live in times of danger and uncertainty. But they are also more open to the creative energy of men than any other time in history. All of us will ultimately be judged and as the years pass we will surely judge ourselves, on the effort we have contributed to building a new world society and the extent to which our ideals and goals have shaped that effort.

"The future does not belong to those who are content with today, apathetic toward common problems and their fellow man alike, timid and fearful in the face of new ideas and bold projects. Rather it will belong to those who can blend vision, reason and courage in a personal commitment to the ideals and great enterprises of American Society.

"Our future may lie beyond our vision, but it is not completely beyond our control. It is the shaping impulse of America that neither fate nor nature nor the irresistible tides of history, but the work of our own hands, matched to reason and principle, that will determine our destiny. There is pride in that, even arrogance, but there is also experience and truth. In any event, it is the only way we can live."

This is the way he lived. My brother need not be idealized, or enlarged in death beyond what he was in life, to be remembered simply as a good and decent man, who saw wrong and tried to right it, saw suffering and tried to heal it, saw war and tried to stop it.

Those of us who loved him and who take him to his rest today, pray that what he was to us and what he wished for others will some day come to pass for all the world.

As he said many times, in many parts of this nation, to those he touched and who sought to touch him:

"Some men see things as they are and say why.
I dream things that never were and say why not."

Monday, August 24, 2009

An Inconvenient Truth-Democratization of Hate?
Latino v. Latino Hate Crime Alleged
Silence of the Lambs? Only A Buffalo Pastor Denounces Black Mob Attack on White Teen Dating Black Girl
NY Human Rights Director: Max Sentence Shows State Tough on Hate
As Bodies Pile Up Homeless Hate Advocates Gear Up
No More Right Hand Man: Euro Group Seeks to Cleanse Language
Bin Laden Relative Ordered Released
DOJ Investigating CIA
Iraq TV Airs Confession for Recent Bombings That Killed Over 100

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Center Director's Statement on Release of Pan Am 103 Bomber

This statement is not directed to Scottish Justice Minister MacAskill, as he deserves no recognition, but rather to the families and friends of the 270 souls lost in the in the brutal murderous attack against innocent civilians who perished as a result of the bombing of Pan Am 103 on December 21, 1988.

While we can never come close to sharing your pain, I and civilized people around the world who understand the meaning of justice and morality share your outrage and join you in the complete condemnation of this appalling, heartless and ignorant act. The world suffered a devastating loss when the colorful lives of so many yet to reach their full potential were violently and mercilessly cut short, and we join you in their remembrance. Moreover, the civilized world has again suffered a loss, which we share with you, one to the cause of justice that all people of good will have a stake. Our thoughts and prayers remain with you and your loved ones. And it is my sincere hope that the embrace and admiration of millions for your courage and resilience provides a small degree of comfort for the renewed grief that has once again unfairly been placed on your shoulders.
Prof. Brian Levin
Director, Center for the Study of Hate & Extremism
California State University, San Bernardino

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Worst Terrorist Attacks By U.S. Casualties

Lockerbie Pan Am Flight 103 bombing is 3rd worst terror attack against an American target.

1. 9/11 Attacks, Incendiary Bombing by Aircraft, NY, DC, PA 2973 killed, 9/11/ 2001
2. U.S. Marine Barracks, Truck Bombing, Beirut, Leb., 241killed (US) 10/23/1983
3. Pan Am Fl. 103, Aircraft Bombing, Lockerbie, Scotland, 270 killed (189 US), 12/21/1988
4. Murrah Fed. Bldg., Truck Bombing, Oklahoma City, OK, 168 killed 4/19/1995
5. Wall Street Bombing, Horse cart Bomb, NY, 35 killed, 9/16/1920

FBI Director Mueller's Statement to Scottish Justice Minister

For Immediate Release
August 22, 2009

Washington D.C.
FBI National Press Office
(202) 324-3691

Letter from FBI Director Robert S. Mueller, III, to Scottish Minister Kenny MacAskill

August 21, 2009

The Honorable Kenny MacAskill, MSP
Cabinet Secretary for Justice
Scottish Government
St. Andrew's House
Regent Road
Edinburgh, Scotland, United Kingdom

Dear Mr. Secretary:

Over the years I have been a prosecutor, and recently as the Director of the FBI, I have made it a practice not to comment on the actions of other prosecutors, since only the prosecutor handling the case has all the facts and the law before him in reaching the appropriate decision.

Your decision to release Megrahi causes me to abandon that practice in this case. I do so because I am familiar with the facts, and the law, having been the Assistant Attorney General in charge of the investigation and indictment of Megrahi in 1991. And I do so because I am outraged at your decision, blithely defended on the grounds of "compassion."

Your action in releasing Megrahi is as inexplicable as it is detrimental to the cause of justice. Indeed your action makes a mockery of the rule of law. Your action gives comfort to terrorists around the world who now believe that regardless of the quality of the investigation, the conviction by jury after the defendant is given all due process, and sentence appropriate to the crime, the terrorist will be freed by one man's exercise of "compassion." Your action rewards a terrorist even though he never admitted to his role in this act of mass murder and even though neither he nor the government of Libya ever disclosed the names and roles of others who were responsible.

Your action makes a mockery of the emotions, passions and pathos of all those affected by the Lockerbie tragedy: the medical personnel who first faced the horror of 270 bodies strewn in the fields around Lockerbie, and in the town of Lockerbie itself; the hundreds of volunteers who walked the fields of Lockerbie to retrieve any piece of debris related to the breakup of the plane; the hundreds of FBI agents and Scottish police who undertook an unprecedented global investigation to identify those responsible; the prosecutors who worked for years--in some cases a full career--to see justice done.

But most importantly, your action makes a mockery of the grief of the families who lost their own on December 21, 1988. You could not have spent much time with the families, certainly not as much time as others involved in the investigation and prosecution. You could not have visited the small wooden warehouse where the personal items of those who perished were gathered for identification--the single sneaker belonging to a teenager; the Syracuse sweatshirt never again to be worn by a college student returning home for the holidays; the toys in a suitcase of a businessman looking forward to spending Christmas with his wife and children.

You apparently made this decision without regard to the views of your partners in the investigation and prosecution of those responsible for the Lockerbie tragedy. Although the FBI and Scottish police, and prosecutors in both countries, worked exceptionally closely to hold those responsible accountable, you never once sought our opinion, preferring to keep your own counsel and hiding behind opaque references to "the need for compassion."

You have given the family members of those who died continued grief and frustration. You have given those who sought to assure that the persons responsible would be held accountable the back of your hand. You have given Megrahi a "jubilant welcome" in Tripoli, according to the reporting. Where, I ask, is the justice?

Sincerely yours,

Robert S. Mueller, III

Friday, August 21, 2009

President Obama's Ramadan Message

Center Director Message: رمضان
To all our Muslim friends around the world. May you and yours have
a peaceful, joyous and blessed Ramadan.

76 Year Old Black Man Brutally Beaten in MD Racial Attack
UK PM Condemns Lockerbie Killer's Hero Welcome in Libya
Karzai Leads in Afghanistan Vote

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Monday, August 17, 2009

'64 Civil Rights Murder Suspect Eludes Justice By Death
Latino Man Robbed in Alleged Bias Attack in LI
24 Killed in Gaza As Hamas & Rival Theocratic Militants Battle
Manson Follower & Would Be Assassin of President Ford Released
Satire: She Signs On With Philadelphia Eagles
Truck Bomb in So. Russia Kills 19
ABC: Obama's Safety An Issue As Anger Grows
Limbaugh, Subject of Some Criticism Responds
(Advisory: Mark Potok is Ctr. Bd. Member)
Cambridge Police Sgt. To Thank FOP At CA Conference
Muslim Bollywood Star Blasts Questioning By Feds At Newark Airport
Amid Violence Afghanistan Moves Toward Election
Egypt to US: Israel Must Make Move
Recent Report on Eco-Terrorism

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Focus on Homelessness

Another State: NY Assemblyman Lancman Intros Hate Legislation Covering Homeless

August 12, 2009

Assemblyman Lancman and Advocates for the Homeless Announce Legislation Designating Attacks on the Homeless as Hate Crimes




Assemblyman Rory Lancman (D-Queens) and leading members of New York's homeless advocacy community today announced the introduction of legislation which would designate attacks against the homeless as hate crimes. Similar legislation recently passed in Maryland and is under consideration in other states.

“Recent attacks on the homeless in New York State and around the country shock the conscience and must be met with a decisive response. The homeless are a truly vulnerable population and need the added security of protection under the hate crimes law,” said Assemblyman Lancman.

"This bill is an important protection for homeless people and an important statement that they are valued members of our society. It is also a step on the path towards recognizing that we all have an obligation to ensure that none of us is homeless,” said Piper Hoffman, Director of Advocacy at Partnership for the Homeless.

"We are very glad to support this important legislation", said the Rev. Elizabeth Maxwell, Associate Rector of Holy Apostles. "Many of the homeless people who eat here at the soup kitchen tell stories of being victimized- often violently- simply because they are homeless. This legislation draws public attention to the hateful treatment that some of our most vulnerable neighbors and fellow citizens receive. I hope it will help to emphasize that homeless people still possess full civil rights, and that the crimes against them must stop."

"As the recent report by the National Coalition for the Homeless outlines in detail, we have an epidemic of violence against the homeless. This legislation is an important step towards putting an end to these acts of hate" said Patrick Markee, Senior Policy Analyst for the Coalition for the Homeless.

CNN: Beating Homeless Not Cool
OC Register: Homeless Family Lived in Parking Lot
Center Director on Air America SPLC Militia Report

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Breaking News: Eunice Kennedy Shriver, Pioneering Advocate for Mentally Disabled, Passes at 88
Center Statement: We join millions of others in mourning the passing of Eunice Kennedy Shriver, a beloved humanitarian who devoted her life not only to changing the lives of those with disabilities, but to changing society to recognize that achievement, love and dignity can be found across all kinds of people. We offer our condolences to her family and all those for whom she tirelessly advocated. She leaves a continuing legacy that has uplifted not only those with disabilities, but equally important, those who do not.
Novartis CEO, Targeted By Extremists, Speaks Out
Volksfront Member Arrested for VA Temple Desecreations
San Diego Minutemen Win Damages from CalTrans
WA Man Charged Over Hate Tirade
1st Hate Crime Trial for Tarrant County, TX Ends in Conviction

Monday, August 10, 2009

California Prison Riot Injures 250, May Be Racial
Indonesia Uses DNA to ID Possible Terrorist
NPR: Anti-Homeless Violence
Deft. in AZ Killings Denies Ties To Crime, Aryans (Hat Tip, MM)

Saturday, August 8, 2009

NYT Lichtblau: New Push To Add Homeless To Hate Laws
New Report Docments Brutal Hate Violence Against Homeless
LA Times Dems Should Drop Death Penalty From Shepard Act,0,5286690.story
TX Woman Convicted of Hate Crime
Los Angeles Panel Presents on Hate Crime

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

OC CA Police Seek to Racists in Anti-Latino Attack
NC Deft., Heavily Armed, Spoke of "Jihad Right Here"
Neiwert: Woman Arrested for Casing Military Base
Three Arrested in Robbery, Black on Brown Hate Crime
Naomi Sims, "Black is Beautiful Model" Dies at 61
Freed Journalists Go From N. Korea to SoCal
Domestic Dispute, Misogyny Behind PA Killing Spree

US DOJ Violence Against Women Office:
Flashback '94: Ctr. Dir., Stanford Law & Policy Review: Hate Violence Against Women
Excerpt Weisburd & B. Levin, On the Basis of Sex: Recognizing Gender Based Bias Crimes:
II. THE EPIDEMIC OF GENDER-RELATED CRIME: Before addressing whether gender crimes are sufficiently analogous to other forms of bias crimes to support recognition of a gender category, we first need to discuss and understand the epidemic of gender-related crime as it presently exists. At this point, we need to draw a distinction between "gender-related" and "gender-motivated" crimes. We use the term "gender-related" crime broadly to refer to those crimes generally considered to have a gender component; that is, crimes where the victim's gender is a salient aspect of the offense. We define "gender-motivated" crime as any criminal act committed against another motivated in whole or in part by bias or prejudice against the victim's gender. We see "gender-motivated" crimes as a subset of cases existing within the broader category of "gender-related" crimes. This section focuses descriptively on gender-related crimes of violence. n44 In Part III, we will discuss whether some or all forms of gender-related crimes are properly considered gender-motivated, and hence gender-based bias crimes.

Gender-related crime surrounds us. It is so pervasive and deeply entrenched that it permeates all aspects of modern social life: murders, rapes, sexual assaults and violent batteries occur in streets and alleyways, on college campuses and within the home. n45 Data from the Department of Justice indicates that women are six times more likely than men to be victimized by a spouse, ex-spouse, or boyfriend/girlfriend. n46 But even when physical violence is not threatened, women are not free from other forms of sexual abuse or gender-related intimidation. n47

While the forms of gender-related crime vary, the message is constant; and it is a message of domination, power, and control. Socially constructed gender roles, predominantly characterized by male domination and female subordination, are enforced by various means along a coercive continuum. Moreover, the weak societal response in opposition reinforces the message that women are legitimate victims, appropriate targets for rage or outlets for anger.

As a report of the Senate Judiciary Committee has recognized, the problem of gender-based violence has reached epidemic proportion. n48 In recent years, the reported incidence of gender-related crimes of violence -- including gender-based homicide, rape, sexual assault and battery, and spousal and domestic abuse -- has been detailed, and the numbers are staggering.

GENDER-RELATED HOMICIDE: Along the coercive continuum, the most extreme form of gender-related crime is homicide. An analysis of homicide rates reveals that 90% of female homicide victims are killed by male offenders. n49 And as one commentator noted, "sexual murder is the ultimate expression of sexuality as a form of power," and part of a tradition of violent sexual discrimination that some feminists have deemed "gynocide." n50

Among the most notorious examples of gender-related homicide are serial rapist-murderers like Ted Bundy and Christopher Wilder, and feminist assassin Marc Lepine. Executed in 1989, Bundy had been convicted for the murder of three women, and officials believed he tortured and murdered as many as fifty women. n51 In 1984, Wilder perpetrated an undetermined number of serial murders before committing suicide as he was about to be captured. Wilder extensively tortured the women he captured before murdering them; he would bind and rape his victims, stab and sexually mutilate them, or torture them with electric shocks before slaying them. n52 Twenty-five year old Lepine [*28] murdered fourteen women in the engineering department at the University of Montreal in 1989. Before turning his high-powered hunting rifle on himself, Lepine left a note blaming women, especially "feminists," for all of his problems. n53 The Justice Department's Robert Heck observed a frightening trend:

We all talk about Jack the Ripper; he killed five people. We all talk about the "Boston Strangler" who killed 13, and maybe "son of Sam," who killed six. But we've got people out there now killing 20 and 30 people and more, and some of them don't just kill. They torture their victims in terrible ways and mutilate them before they kill them. Something's going on out there. It's an epidemic. n54

Despite the media attention devoted to the extreme serial cases, the vast majority of those who murder women are present or former intimates: husbands or boyfriends. n55 The intimate relationship often creates a backdrop for victimizations that match the brutality of some of the more well-known stranger offender cases. Moreover, the fact that a man targets his intimate does not preclude seriality. Rolf Husbose was convicted in February 1993 for pummeling his girlfriend to death with a tire iron on a Texas beach in 1986. At trial, two of Husbose's former girlfriends testified as to his violence against them, and the fact that he would threaten, "If you don't do what I say, you're going to end up like my girlfriend in Texas -- dead." Despite the brutality of the murder and the significant threat he posed to all women in his path, Husbose only received a sentence of ten years probation, serving only a mandatory 120 days in prison because of his use of a deadly weapon. n56
Researchers have theorized that lethal violence perpetrated by intimates is often motivated by the men's "'inability to accept what they perceived to be a rejection of them or their role of dominance' over the victim." n57 In fact, the majority of intimate perpetrators were separated from their victims when they committed the murder. The men tended to regard the murder as a reaction to "a previous offense against them (e.g., leaving) on the part of their wives." n58 Gender-related murders are often the final act in a continuing and escalating cycle of violence not adequately addressed by the criminal justice system.
Excerpts: Gunman George Sodini's Rambling Web Posting (Caution Explicit Language/Misogyny/ Bigotry):
George Sodini
Age 48.
DOB 9/30/1960
DOD 8/4/2009
5-10, 155 lbs.
Never married.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania USA
Why do this?? To young girls? Just read below. I kept a running log that includes my thoughts and actions, after I saw this project was going to drag on.

November 5, 2008:
Planned to do this in the summer but figure to stick around to see the election outcome. This particular one got so much attention and I was just curious. Not like I give a flying fcuk who won, since this exit plan was already planned. Good luck to Obama! He will be successful. The liberal media LOVES him. Amerika has chosen The Black Man. Good! In light of this I got ideas outside of Obama's plans for the economy and such. Here it is: Every black man should get a young white girl hoe to hone up on. Kinda a reverse indentured servitude thing. Long ago, many a older white male landowner had a young Negro wench girl for his desires. Bout' time tables are turned on that shit. Besides, dem young white hoez dig da bruthrs! LOL. More so than they dig the white dudes! Every daddy know when he sends his little girl to college, she be bangin a bruthr real good. I saw it. "Not my little girl", daddy says! (Yeah right!!) Black dudes have thier choice of best white hoez. You do the math, there are enough young white so all the brothers can each have one for 3 or 6 months or so.
May 18, 2009:
I actually had a date today. It was with a woman I met on the bus in March. We got together at Two PPG Place for lunch. The last date for me was May 1, 2008. Women just don't like me. There are 30 million desirable women in the US (my estimate) and I cannot find one. Not one of them finds me attractive.
July 20, 2009:
Been a long time since last write. Everything still sucks. But I got a promotion and a raise, even in this shitty Obama ecomomy. No more grunt programming. Go figure! New boss is great. He tactfully says when you did something wrong or complements on good things. Never confused with him. But that is NOT what I want in life. I guess some of us were simply meant to walk a lonely path. I have slept alone for over 20 years.
Last time I slept all night with a girlfriend it was 1982. Proof I am a total malfunction. Girls and women don't even give me a second look ANYWHERE. There is something BLATANTLY wrong with me that NO goddam person will tell me what it is. Every person just wants to be fucking nice and say nice things to me. Flattery. Oh yeah, I am sure you can get a date anytime. You look good, etc. Pussies.
July 23, 2009:
I just looked out my front window and saw a beautiful college-age girl leave Bob Fox's house, across the street. I guess he got a good lay today. College girls are hoez. I masturbate. Frequently. He is about 45 years old. She was a long haired, hot little hottie with a beautiful bod. I masturbate. Frequently. Some were simply meant to walk a lonely path in life. I don't usually look out, but just happened to notice. Holy fuck. I have masturbated since age 13. Thanks, mum and brother (by blood alone). And dad, old man, for TOTALLY ignoring me through the years. All of you DEEPLY helped me be this way.

I wish I can go back to 1975 and fix things. Awe, that wont work, big BULLY BROTHER would assert his bull shit. He was twice my size. He never messed with guys bigger than 5'10, or so. He is a PUSSY at heart. Remember, Michael is my brother (we have common parents, that's all) is still a BOSS. Repetition only for emphasis: HE IS ONLY A BULLY, even at 50ish! Never forget that! Because he exudes confidence. People believe bull shit if delivered WITH CONFIDENCE. Get it??

On the same thought, things occured to me today. Michael NEVER had an attractive girlfriend. Debbie, Barb, Kim, ... then I lost track. Not to say I had any (execpt Pam, who was about a 7.25). He married a Chinese-descent, petite woman with no body, no ass, no chest and no personality. She never laughs or smiles, neither does he. But she is highly intelligent and an excellent cook. I can testify to that! She home bakes her own DELICIOUS wheat bread! But who cares about that type of small bull crap? Mike even mentioned when we were visiting dad that "she's not very attractive".

I don't know where I am going with this. I am getting tired, feels good to write and get it all out.

On still another thought, I had 20+ years of sobriety and achieved nothing about friendships, girlfriends, guys, etc. Zilch. What a waste.

Bye, for today.

August 2, 2009:
The biggest problem of all is not having relationships or friends, but not being able to achieve and acquire what I desire in those or many other areas. Everthing stays the same regardless of the effert I put in. If I had control over my life then I would be happier. But for about the past 30 years, I have not

August 3, 2009:
I took off today, Monday, and tomorrow to practice my routine and make sure it is well polished. I need to work out every detail, there is only one shot. Also I need to be completely immersed into something before I can be successful. I haven't had a drink since Friday at about 2:30. Total effort needed. Tomorrow is the big day.

Unfortunately I talked to my neighbor today, who is very positive and upbeat. I need to remain focused and absorbed COMPLETELY. Last time I tried this, in January, I chickened out. Lets see how this new approach works.

Maybe soon, I will see God and Jesus. At least that is what I was told. Eternal life does NOT depend on works. If it did, we will all be in hell. Christ paid for EVERY sin, so how can I or you be judged BY GOD for a sin when the penalty was ALREADY paid. People judge but that does not matter. I was reading the Bible and The Integrity of God beginning yesterday, because soon I will see them.

I will try not to add anymore entries because this computer clicking distracts me.

Also, any of the "Practice Papers" left on my coffee table I used or the notes in my gym bag can be published freely. I will not be embarased, because, well, I will be dead. Some people like to study that stuff. Maybe all this will shed insight on why some people just cannot make things happen in their life, which can potentially benefit others.


1. Probably 99% of the people who know me well don't even think I was this crazy. Told by at least 100 girls/women over the years I was a "nice guy". Not kidding.

2. Lee Ann Valdiserri had my baby in early 1991. Haven't seen her since she was about four months into it. I knew her sister, Chris, from high school.

3. Net worth slightly more than $250K, (after all debt) as of end of 2008.

4. Death Lives!